I cannot find comfort

I cannot find comfort anymore. Not in the littlest most beautiful things in life. And not in the supposed comforting words that people say. Nothing seems real anymore. I used to truly live in each moment and cherish everything, be it negative or positive. Now I'm numb. Numb with the drugs meant to ease my pain. And numb to any kind of emotion except sadness. Actually, that is wrong. I'm scared. Scared that I will not be around to witness my sweet children become wonderful adults. Scared that I will not get to do those things that I have been putting off until later. It's now later. Yet it might be too late.